ALLAH MAKE US STRONG IN HIS WAY

“I am very sorry. The baby does not have a heartbeat.” Two sentences. Eleven words. These words shot through my ears like a rocket. Pain, heartbreak, and sadness rushed through my veins. I felt confusion, denial, and shock. I cried, and cried, and cried. I began to think of all the plans and dreams my husband and I had for our first baby.

Pain comes in two different ways: physical and emotional. Getting sick would be considered a physical pain while the loss of a loved one would be an emotional pain. Unfortunately, miscarriage falls under both types of pain. It targets you physically and emotionally.

I tried to fight back the emotional pain, but sometimes the physical pain became stronger making me vulnerable to the emotional pain. I tried to put on a happy face, but I somehow associated everything around me to my precious unborn baby. I tried and tried, but I unwillingly succumbed to pain each time. I didn’t feel like leaving my bed.

However, I am getting better, day by day, and I am learning to live with this. I no longer feel like bursting into tears every time I see a pregnant lady, or a mother playing with her child, or baby clothing in stores. I am beginning to feel happiness again, and no longer have to pretend when I smile. This does not mean I have forgotten. I will never forget the precious weeks I spent with my unborn baby. This only means I am learning how to continue after a miscarriage.

I then remembered that I was just a human. A flawed and imperfect piece of flesh made from clay. This was not something I could control or could have avoided. This was part of Allah’s  plan for me. As humans, we plan, and plan, and plan, but Allah is the best of planners. I knew this was the plan that Allah had prepared for me since I was in my mother’s womb. I was confident that Allah had a reason behind this sadness. I was happy to know that Allah  knew I was strong enough to handle this trial. Allah says in the Qur’an:

    “Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.”
[Qur’an: Chapter 2: Verse 286]

It was after this realization that I uttered "Alhamdulilah alaa kulli hal”. And I thank Allah for I am the most luckiest person in the whole world, because i have a loving and caring husband like Mas Arief. He is the best. Thank you so much for always supporting me. After He have entered in my life, all my problems and difficulties seems to have been disappeared. Thank you, for making my life so special and full of joy. Now I am ready to set and start the new ikhtiar :)

For those who have been in the same situation as I was, I am very sorry this happened to you, and I make sincere dua that Allah  blesses Us with healthy children in the near future. For my readers who have not experienced such heart break, I pray that Allah  gives Us healthy pregnancies to term.

Aamiin..